Going, Going, Gone

The babies are growing so fast. I guess I really have to stop calling them babies. They're not really babies anymore. I haven't found a good name yet to replace it though. Kids? Children? Toddlers? Little Monsters? Nothing seems to work as well as "babies" did when they fit that description.

These days they are walking, talking, fighting, and developing so fast that I find myself overcome both with extreme sadness at the rapidity with which time is passing and filled with an equally extreme amount of parental pride and hubris. My friends and coworkers are thoroughly bored with my constant recitations of the latest baby related disaster and/or cuteness and as a result have begun to openly ridicule me for this behavior.

Well, sticks and stones can break my bones but nothing can beat out of me the impulse to brag about my children. I've become one of those certifiably insufferable parents. The only difference--which is also the sole saving grace--is that our children actually are brilliant and amazing. I say this completely straight faced and without bias.

Here's a few examples:

Sara:

Sara's talent for nicknames continues unabated. She's now taken to adding "man" to the end of favored male names. For example, I am now "Daddyman," Carter is now "CarterMan," Zane is "ZanieMan," etc. Gender remains somewhat confusing because while she won't refer to herself as "Saraman" she will refer to Jill as "MommyMan."

Things such as "Daddyman" seemingly come out of nowhere and seem to be Sara's special gift for nicknames. However, all the babies have entered the "Language Sponge" stage of development and soak up just about every word they hear. This is frequently quite baffling to us.

For example, everyone has recently begun saying "Oh Dear!" when faced with a mildly distressing situation. This was a mystery to me until I noticed it's what "Piglet" says from "Winnie the Pooh."

Other odd idiomatic language is a bit harder to understand. For example, Carter has recently created a monster-like persona where he walks around saying something that sounds like "tar" or "staaaa" in a deep gravely voice while banging everyone on the head with whatever toy is handy. Now aside from the obvious problems associated with trying to train a child not to pummel all those around him weather saying "tar" or not, I've still not figured out the genesis of this phrase. The closest I've come is that it is an imitation of the monster character on "Rugrats" called "Raptar." But I'm not convinced. Regardless, we're considering a class-action lawsuit against Nick Jr and the creators of Rugrats for inspiring these violent outbursts in Carter. Anyone out there similarly afflicted, let us know and we'll add you to the list of plaintiffs. I'm seeing early retirement out this...

Rapid toddler language development is, of course, a blessing and a curse. For example, recently Jill was possessed by temporary insanity and decided to do some touch up paint work on the babies' play room during their nightly wind-down-before-bedtime-video ritual. She believed they would be sufficiently occupied by the video to let her squeeze in some painting.

Now while it seems obvious in hindsight that toddlers and open paint cans are things that should never appear in the same room together, Jill was, as I said, possessed by temporary insanity. That temporary state of insanity evaporated when Zane became bored with the video and executed a perfect flanking surprise mommy attack which resulted in a considerable amount of spilled paint on the brand new baby room carpet.

As might be expected during such an event, certain 4 letter expletives burst forth spontaneously from Jill's mouth as she quickly realized the folly of her actions. By the time she came to her senses, she noticed all three of the babies jumping up and down on the couch shouting with extreme glee the same 4 letter expletives that had previously burst forth from Jill's sailor-like potty mouth.

Fortunately, these words did not enter the babies full time vocabulary--at least not yet.

Zane

While Zane's verbal skills remains behind that of his siblings, he is rapidly catching up and demonstrating his own particular cognitive strengths in only somewhat less verbal ways. He has become quite a master at puzzle solving, can count to 14 forwards and backwards, and can identify all his ABCs.

Zane has also developed the rather amazing ability to understand that sleep is important and rather than become an psychotically cranky upon the onset of fatigue (like me), will actually request that he be put down for a nap.

Carter

Carter's language skills seem quite amazing not just to this only slightly biased observer, but to others as well. I've always suspected that when our friends, relatives, etc., comment on the babies' somewhat advanced language skills, that they are just being nice (or getting ready to hit me up for a loan...). However, I've recently begun to believe they might not just be whistling Dixie, so to speak..

Recently we attended a series of Easter Egg Hunts where the babies came into contact with many other older children. At one point another child, who was 9 or so, began calling Carter "Genius Baby" after carrying on a fairly complex, albeit short, conversation with him.

Who am I to argue with the guileless proclamations of a 9 year old?